if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
