my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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