im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
