I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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