clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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