I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
