On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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