Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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