Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize