If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
