Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize