I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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