I think my fart just growled at me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Text me some of your sweat
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