remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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