I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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