He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
