I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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