I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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