So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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