so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
