Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
