I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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