oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize