they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
