dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
