if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
