better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
being pregnant is like rehab
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
