I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
