No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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