just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
