So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You were trust falling into bushes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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