Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize