Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Let's paint friendship bongs
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
