what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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