and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
