Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need to calm my uterus...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
