Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
