Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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