My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
