The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We left an ass print on the piano.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
