he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize