Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ok first of all what the fuck
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
