hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
