Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
