And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
