Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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