I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
