my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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