I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We need to get me chipped asap
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
