Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize