He disabled his match.com account in front of me
please come you make the beer taste better
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
