why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
