Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
