no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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