weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He shit in the fireplace
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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