You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
