Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
