She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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