cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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