My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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