I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
