Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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