I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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