Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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