You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
