People in love make me want to vomit
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
