Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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