YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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