you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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